I wish I could say there wasn’t more than one reason why Elite XC’s primetime fights weren’t an absolute joke…but I can’t. Last Saturday’s event left me very confused and aghast at everything I witnessed. So much so that I have decided to make a top-ten list of worst moments of Elite XC’s (xtra crappy) primetime fights, including quotations.

# 10. The fact that I had to wait twenty-five minutes for the first fight to even start was more than enough to become insanely bored. They could have shaved about nineteen minutes off of that complete waste of time. It certainly didn’t help with Frank Shamrock’s worthless explanation of various mixed martial arts jargon.

# 9. Speaking of Frank Shamrock, he gets the first jack-ass quote of the evening. Said Frank to co-host not worth mentioning, “Let’s be honest with you , fighting for your money, and bringing home the bacon, now that’s sexy.” Frank, there’s nothing sexy about a man who can’t speak his native tongue. Take your pedophile grin, and go back to school.

#8. Why was Busta Rhymes there? Do I even need to ask? Why don’t we call all the other has-been rappers, bring them out at the same time and have a benefits concert for their sorry careers? Unfortunately, this is only the beginning and who knows who will show up at the next event; maybe Coolio. Is Elite XC the new bastard step-child of WWE? Only time will tell. Either that or number seven on the list will.

#7. Oh yes! Phil “The New York Badass” Baroni decided to show us what MMA was really about with his fine apparel and two-dollar street walkers. Was there ever such a build up to see his badass get beat down? As much I can possibly despise the way Phil flamboyantly entered the cage, I must confess it made his defeat all the more satisfying.

#6. And how about that commentary? I only needed to be told I was watching “Mixed Martial Arts” about ten thousand more times. I loved how as the crowd showed their displeasure as the fights went on, the commentating got more passionate and intense. Way to go!!

#5. Now some may disagree with this, but what true fan of the sport would say that Kimbo Slice should have been the main event over a title fight? Are they out of their minds? What a kick to the balls for Robbie Lawler and Scott Smith. I don’t know why either of those two stood for that especially after the way their fight was called off. Which brings me to….

#4. Where did they find those damn doctors? Scott Smith was allowed five minutes to recover for a poke in the eye. If you call a fight because a fighter can’t see what the hell is the point of the five minutes they allow fighters to see again? Especially in a title fight! Obviously a lot of people got a hold of some bad crack that night.

#3. I have nothing against Kimbo Slice, however he gets quote of the night for coining this timeless phrase. “Your heart, your mind, and your balls have to be in one accord.” Now just because I laughed for five minutes after I heard Kimbo say this doesn’t mean it makes any f-ing sense. Kimbo is now the Mixed Martial Artist who fights with the synchronization of his testicles. Someone may want to just let him fight and keep microphones away.

#2. I was worried immediately when I saw James Thompson was hiding a golf ball in his left ear. There were only two outcomes I could foresee; the first being that Kimbo would punch it and break a knuckle or two, the second, well we got to see that thing explode didn’t we? What the hell was the athletic commission thinking? Can you imagine what Thompson’s ear is going to look like now? Please no more.

#1. Gina, oh Gina. How did she lose her way? A great fight was completely diminished by the knowledge that she was four-and-half pounds overweight. When questioned about it after the fight, she had this enlightened excuse, “You know, I was just coming off filming American Gladiators and I just didn’t get to put my heart into training…” Wow! Thank you, Gina for demonstrating to the world that you are not a true professional and for blaming American Gladiators for not getting your lazy ass in shape. You get the number one spot for worst moment in Elite XC primetime, and maybe MMA history. You rivaled Kalib Starnes in what I thought to be an untouchable moment of disgrace.

I wish that these were the only things that were displayed Saturday night, but there was so much more including the infinite amount of propaganda during all commercial breaks and during the show. I can only pray, for all our sakes, that we never see a disgusting representation of this sport we love so much, ever again!